Songs saying what I couldn't

Now I will tell you what I've done for you -
50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -
And you still won't hear me.

hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there

say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me
Into madness

I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
so much more

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.
All the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
Too sharp to put back together.
Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more

Lie to me,
Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better

I will stay forever here with you
My love
The softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on

Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love
They don't know you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me

And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

____________________
you don't remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do...

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

have you forgotten all i know
and all we had?
you saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand
i knew you loved me then

look in the mirror and see your face
if i look deep enough
so many things inside that are just like you are taking over
__________________________________________________

Days..

Another day goes by..
one more dream
says goodbye..

Another part of me..
Starts to die

one more memory
slips away
begins to fly..

And the dim glimmer
of hope n my eye..

fades away..More..and..More..

I NEED A BELIVER

( I used to be known as "THE LONER" for sometime, it was one of the richest times of my life. here is one of my favs. carries a V.special memory for me)
call it a poem call it thoughts think it's silly or think it's greatI just felt those words so I wrote them..... THE LONER

I NEED A BELIVER

_________________
I need someone to love me when I'm weak
someone to forgive when I mistake

someone I can really trust
can really give my heart
someone I know she won't coz my hurt

someone on her shoulders I can cry
and in her arms I wish to die

the one who is purity and beauty
innocent as a child.. but can be wild ... to protect me

someone in her eyes I lose when and where
and there is nothing but us there

someone in her eyes I lose what and why
with her I fly ..I touch the sky

I need someone to believe in me
To make me believe in me

14/1/2004
7.45 PM
THE LONER

Until u came along

I was here
U were there
But we met..in the no-where
no place no time for mate...
our gathering called upon us ..like fate
and after our first date
I knew for u I was made

Only u can coz all this change in me
I’m not the man I used to be
I feel the years coming back to me

I was feared by all
all enemies no friends
who ever came near me
it meant their ends
Until u came along...

I was might, vulgar and strength
and in the darkness world ..

I was the only prince
Until u came along...

with no army no men
not one battle done
u won


U trapped me with a look
got hold of me with a smile

my mind my army all things.. were a mess
and ur final battle

u won it..
with a kiss

I was Master of diagaure
I was the meanest there is
but with u I was weak..humble and helpless
I was all that I was ..

and now I’m not
COZ U CAME ALONG......

BEING ALONE

Have u ever been alone?!
just u and the stars above
just u an' dreams of a love

have u ever been lonely?!
just u an' the magic of the night
just u an' the shadows u fight

I need others with any price
my heart is frozen like ice

Being alone
it can be sweet
but when u know there r others to meet

Being alone
It’s so nice ..though it’s sad
It’s so quiet ..that it can drive u mad

Being alone
It gives u happiness and sorrow
makes u think of the shape of tomorrow

Being alone
is all that and more
but I can’t be alone
sorry not any more...

To express...

(some of the darkest words I ever wrote, it has almost no rhythm, and I don't think of it as anything near a poem, it's more like khawater :) )


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is not a poem it’s actually nothing but it’s just some words from my
soul to papers maybe they could understand what humans couldn’t...
***************************************

To express...
**********************
To express u have to be able to feel
To tell it in ur self what is fake and what is real

To know the truth behind the wall
The secrets on the other side of the closed door

To see Ur way and know what’s there
In the other end of the dark passage
What'll be there when night ends?

How will the dawn be like?
Will he be a sweet bird song?
A heavenly voice in a holly rhyme
Or it will come like a giant of fire
A hell sent messenger with vulgar might

I wish I could see
What more r u keeping from me?!!
U my worthless life
What more r hiding on me?!!

Dark, cold and alone
As if some one dropped me n life
Then gone

I dream of the place far far away
The sun, the green and clouds in sky
I dream and dream
And open my eyes to see the desert I live in
Empty wild dark cold and mystery

Crows are yelling over my head
Waiting for me to drop dead
To feed on me
It makes no difference alive or dead

No stars in my sky
And I cry and cry
Till my tears go dry

People ask for help when they r in need
I used to do the same
When once I had hope
But who could help a dead man?
Who could bring back the life to the corpse?
The corpse I’ve become


They ask me "what’s wrong?" huh
As if it was that easy
How could I know what’s wrong with me?!!
If I haven’t yet understood any thing about me
If I hardly now know me

There deep inside me something I don’t know
But it's there and I feel it grow an' grow
Like an alien taking me part by part

I’m so afraid of HIM...
The him that's Me

What, How and where I will be
When HE is here instead of Me

Will I be gone forever?
Or HE and I will be together

It’s there in the deepest part of my soul
Slowly, bit by bit taking control

What’s this silly life we have?
people r just figures in a graph
Smiling false smiles and laughing
Laughing out of pain
And smiling again and again

Fools
Liars all liars
Killing their very own souls
Destroying the beauty of it ALL
Disordering the universe
This is US humans... a plague that landed on earth
Cheaters ugly with no worth

I need a soul
Pure as the water of rain
As the early morning
As the ray of the sun... in dawn
As a young flower deep into the most far forest
No one ever touched before
No one saw before

Pure beauty
fresh as just created by hands of GOD
A soul to wash this earth dirt away
Take me high up to heavens
To the purity
To white souls
To really smiling faces
To loving hearts
To a place that yet have no humans to destroy
To where angels r

I’m not an angle and I could never be
I just want them to purify me
Just wanna watch them live
See them love
Care
Fare

I wish I could free my soul
Let her go where she belongs
Not a prisoner in me
Let her fly fly
To the sky

I don’t belong here
I don’t wanna stray any more
I wanna go to where I should be
HOME far far away

My poor soul choose the wrong place to stay
And I wanna leave and have my relief

I wish I could leave this life soon
Let my soul stay on the moon
Looking at everyone down on earth and smiling
Happy with her freedom
And wishing never to be back there

A smile in tears

I smile when i can't cry
when the pain is beyond
the one u feel when u die
u smile coz u can't cry...

fake it.. it's easy
they see it..
and smile back
try with me
it's not that hard
stretch ur lips
and smile
they will belive it..

Smile with me
and let them see
how happy we are...
being so so far
how happy we are...

smile.. and with every move of my lips
let another part of my heart
tear apart..

hold back ur tears
my eyes
hold back ur tears
and shine
with happiness u should shine
as u see her..

like an angel
in her white dress
see that smile on her lips..

isn't it the same smile i wear?!!..

no no.. i'm no longer there
in her heart.
or am i still there??..